Girl, Please!
by WingedNinja28
Summary: It's just a normal day in the Fenton household... Until Sam explodes into a fiery ball of rage, Jazz expresses a split personality, and Dani (who now lives with the Fentons) attacks for an unknown reason. And what do all these girls have in common? They all hate Danny's shirt. What's going on? Crackfic challenge! You up for it?
1. Chapter 1

_*Spins around in obnoxiously big chair* Why... Hello there, world. What a prestigious pleasure it is... Haha but really, hi! Long time no see, dear readers! So, my life's been pretty tough lately, and this the pathetic humor that resulted from it. I have some info at the bottom, so be sure to read the AN. _

_Now remember, I am a girl. I always have been and always will be. And since I am a girl, I will never be Butch Heartman. So I DO NOT OWN DP!_

* * *

"Uuurgh!" Sam groaned, "I hate my life!"

"What?" I asked, confused. Where did that come from?

Currently, the three of us were chilling in my living room watching TV for no apparent reason. It was noon on a Sunday, and I wasn't really sure about the outside weather conditions, due to the fact that my living room curtains were drawn. But if I were to guess, I would say that it was sometime in the late-morning/early afternoon.

"Danny!" Sam shouted, "Why did you wear that shirt?!"

_What? _"Uh…" I glanced down at the thin white fabric of my shirt. "Because… I wanted to…?"

Apparently that answer wasn't good enough. "HOW COULD YOU!? You wear a white shirt _every day," _at this point, Sam was in hysterics. Tears were streaming from her eyes, leaving dark make-up trails down her face. "And you never even consider _my feelings!" _

"Okay, okay, okay!" I rushed, still unsure of what was going on, "I'll go change!"

"And _you _Tucker," Sam wielded on the third person in the room, who looked like he had never been more terrified in his entire life. Then Sam did something neither Tucker nor I expected. Sam burst into a fit of giggles. "Y-y-you are _h-hilarious, _Tucker!" She panted, looking like she was going to fall over. "Y-you walk around l-like you're s-so cool," If it was even possible, Sam seemed to laugh even harder. "F-flirting with _ALL _the g-g-girls—" at that word, Sam broke off, her words tumbling to a stop.

"_GIRLS!"_ Sam exploded; a weird mix of outrage and giddy happiness colored her voice. "I hate the way they just _prance around _like they own the place. Like Valerie!" She visibly shuddered at the word. Tucker and I exchanged a confused glance. It was official, either Sam's overshadowed, on drugs, or it was her time of the month.

"_Valerie _thinks she can just take whatever she wants. Take, take, take! And _I'm _the one with money! _She _somehow manages to get _whatever _she wants! Whatever job she wants, whatever clothes she wants, even whatever _boy _she wants!" She reared on me. "And _you _are too _clueless _to realize that!"

I think it was safe to say that it was Sam's time of the month.

"Um… Yeah, okay Sam… I think that I'm going to go upstairs and change my shirt like you asked me to." I said carefully.

Sam pointed to the staircase, "GO!" She shouted.

"Good luck, Tuck," I whispered. He glared in response.

"_FINE, DANNY!" _Sam yelled as I began retreating up the stairs, "Just _leave me__! A__lone_! _WITH HIM!" _

"Hey!" I heard Tucker protest as I rushed upstairs. I snickered.

I threw on a black t-shirt with a white DP emblem on it, figuring that black would be considered a "safe" color when it came to Sam. Then I went to the sanest person that I could think of in a time like this, Jazz.

I knocked on her light pink bedroom door, and I heard a crash on the other side. "Uh, Jazz?" I said, hoping for the love of God that at least she was sober.

"_WHAT!?" _I heard her yell from the other side of the door. I barely had time to think _uh-oh _before the door swung open, and a ratty-haired, make up-smeared, terrifying-looking Jazz appeared. Even in her grey _Love PINK _sweats and her loose, off-the-shoulder flannel shirt, she looked like she wanted to murder someone.

"Not you too!" This was bad.

"Not _me too?! _What's _that _supposed to mean?" She looked absolutely vile.

"Um… well, I uh—"

"_What the hell are you wearing!?" _She seemed to scream, having just taken notice of my apparel.

"You egotistical maniac! How could you just frolic around in _that!? _Are you really that stupid, Danny? People will figure it out, I just know it!"

Frolic?Since when do I_ frolic?_ You know what? Don't answer that.

"Well, um, I was just going to uh, change into something not egotistical and not stupid. I'll do that right now!" I promised hurrying.

"And while you're at it," her tone suddenly turned tender and motherly—or sisterly. "Danny, honey, will you tell your dear sweet friends to stop all that racket? It really does get annoying."

She then burst into tears, "Now leave me in peace, so that I may live out the rest of my adolescence single and _alone!" _

With that, she flipped me the bird and her door slammed close.

_What just happened? _

* * *

"Okay… now what?" I asked Tucker shortly after Sam dramatically stormed out of my house, screaming something about the lack of originality in Tucker's iPhone 5.

"I don't think that it will _ever _be possible to understand the mind of a girl," Tucker looked like he was in a state of post-teenage girl hormone outburst shock.

"_Jesus!_" The two of us heard a high-pitched voice echo from the secant floor.

"Since when does Dani get up before two o'clock on a Sunday?" Tucker wondered.

"No!" I groaned. This was getting scary. And I fight _ghosts! _

"_How many times do I have to tell you to SHUT UP!?_ I was fucking sleeping, asshole!" Man, she really needs to stop watching South Park and Tosh.0. A sixth-grader (She was held back) should _not_ have that big of a vocabulary.

Her voice was closer now, and I could see her raving thirteen-year-old form at the top of the stairs. Her raven hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head; her blue sweat-shirt was a baggy mess over her deep red yoga pants.

Her eyes were an eerie, unnatural shade of bright, toxic green. Those eyes were so much like my own, it kind of scared me. Well, she _was _my clone, so…

She too, had make-up trails lining her round face.

"Tucker?" I muttered to him, my eyes staring straight at her, knowing that she was hearing every word that I said, thanks to her advanced hearing.

"Yeah?" He was staring straight at her too, sharing my thoughts.

"Wanna make like a ghost and disappear?"

"Quick, before it attacks and kills us both."

"Don't think that I didn't hear that, Tucker!" Dani suddenly flew down the stairs, a bright green ecto-ray blazing in her hand. I grabbed Tucker's wrist, and willed us both to disappear, invisible and intangible.

But right before we flew out of the house, I thought I heard her scream, "_Danny! You know I hate that shirt! I find that insulting!" _

Since when was a solid light-blue shirt considered offensive? Well, its light blue _now,_ after I changed it for the _third time. _

Now we have two problems. Why was everyone turning into raving animals, and, more importantly, what did everyone have against my shirts?

* * *

_Okay, so now that you've read, I would like to say that this was a challenge! I generally don't have any rules when it comes to these things, I want to see where YOU bring it! But as a favor to me, if you adopt, please give me credit for the first chapter. And please, no slash! Its not for forbidden, but I'm probably not going to read. I have nothing against the gays, but its not my thing. So just pop me a review if you're interested!(: Tell me whatcha think! _

_peace! _


	2. AN

Hey guys! This is not another chapter, as _Girl, Please!_ was a ONE-SHOT. _Buuuuuuuut... _Remember how I said it was a challenge? I'm pleased to announce that Sunny Ice has accepted that challenge. Her story's called _Change your life!_, and you should swing by and take a look:)

I'll keep you posted if anyone else accepts the challenge.

Peace! =)


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